Working

I've just got out of another work meeting and as my experience proved before, it was just another unproductive meeting. folks had their own agenda; I know I certainly had mine. 

An agenda of thinking that I'm trap in a monotony of daily routine. Sure, on paper my job sounds good.  I am helping youths from low-income families to be the first one in their family to receive higher education.  I love what I do. However, I hate the bureaucracy that I have to face in order to get to do what I love of helping others - all I want is to have pagmamalasakit. However, my spirit is being broken from the meetings, from the co-workers who are after their own entitlement of western achievements. You can have your fancy titles - Executive Director, Director, or Assistant Director - but at what cost. You claim to be in this job to help the youth, but your first priority is your accumulation of matters associated with the westernized world...

I don't want to be regimented in how to assist in helping these youths.  Professional attire, customer service, or what time I clock in does not dictate my passion to help. I could be in shorts, tang-top, and sandals and still be an expert in getting these youths in the college of their choice.  I will not be defined by your standards ... no daily ironed clothes or well kept organized office can tell me who I am .... besides maybe the cleaner your outside world that you have the dirtier the materials that your are hiding within you...

currently... taking a big sigh and letting go ... breathe in... hold it.... and out... 

roller coaster

its been a whirlwind of emotions for the past couple of days. there's definitely many ups and dips. definitely, the ups are emotional high as close to ecstasy i could've received or would perceived. but, i must warn myself that these highs are created by desires and such are momentarily "happiness" in this lifetime... however, "what's more important: pursuing one thousand desires or just conquering just one?"

my dips were definitely, when my desires weren't met or my expectations were not achieved. i spent my weekend with the most beautiful person I could imagine... although she possess physical beauty... what's even more beautiful is what she possess how she this world... the world that is lived in and not what is perceived as... i can her as my life partner both spiritually and wordly, somehow i'm not so sure if the universe perceive it the same way...

worth a try

i've been reading blogs of people i know and i've always wanted to write. however, there's always that thought... the anti-thesis to getting anything done... the BUT part... i want to write BUT am i good enough? i want to write BUT will the grammar be perfect? i want to write BUT am i going to be judged for what i say? well, to the BUT part... i say fuck you!!! for i am the only that set limits, for you are not real, although you may be part of me... you are not ME...

so i say it's worth a try... ehh... at end there's no one else to talk to but my own head... does that sound crazy? maybe! but, our society has taught us not to listen ourselves... we are constantly being distracted... whether it would be the tube playing "reality tv," the scare tactics of the news, and the politicians telling you what and how you should think!!! i may not fully unplug from this system but at least i owe to myself to listen to me once in awhile... so blogging hear i come... i will write with no worries of grammar... just to listen to me... whether i rant, rave, or just be...